My Thoughts

I can’t stand the dentist, but it’s really the only chance I get to look into someones eyes for 45 minutes straight and think of murder.

I should start leaving a notepad and pen in the bathroom so I can remember all those great ideas. And also, to sketch the cat sitting on my laptop.

You know that song that goes: do do do do bah doo duh do? It’s not very good. And the chorus is repetitive. 

Taking pictures of your privates is a lot of fun, but not fun for the people sitting at the table next to you.

I’ve always wanted to submerge myself in a bathtub of pudding. Then I think, “What if I fall asleep and drown?” people will see me naked.

If I were a werewolf, I’d start a band called “The Lasers,” because it’s a cool name — the werewolf part is to help build confidence.

I think sex in the morning is a wonderful thing, especially when you don’t need your binoculars.

Sharpening your fingers in a pencil sharpener to make sharper fingers is not a good idea. You see, there a little thing called LEAD POISONING!

I don't know why ghosts think white sheets are scary. What is scary: coloured sheets that don't clash with the pillows or comforter! 

When I get to hell I'll ask Satan if he likes jokes. If he says,"Yes," then I'm screwed. If he says, "No," maybe that will save me the embarrassment.